NaBloPoMo, Where to Live, an Award, and Apples


Right! Day Two in the Gone Mad Trying to Sign Up for NaBloPoMo House

WordPress doesn’t do it’s prompt until it’s the afternoon here in That London, but the NaBloPoMo prompts are all written out in advance. EXCEPT WEEKENDS! when they expect you to fend for yourself! I’m already having a nervous breakdown after having to fill in the longest ever form for Blog Her who are running this shebang. It took me back to when I signed up for livejournal a hundred million years ago. I was quite ill and the internet was quite new, and I’d only been ‘elaine’ on and I was horrified at having to make up a whole new individualized INTERNET NAME! I think I was quite lucky to get the elaine4queen thing right off the bat. I could have been stuck with something much worse.

So, here is day two’s prompt from NaBloPoMo;

Friday, November 2, 2012

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

This is quite an interesting question to me. I chose a long time ago to live in London, and I am quite a fond Londonist. I moved to the East End 20 years ago and watched it change over that time. It was very exciting. It went from being a bit of a dead on it’s feet dump to being the most effervescent hip and happening place. First Spitalfield Market reopened, that slowly grew until money people came in and land grabbed it. Meanwhile the area attracted more and more artists, Hoxton went from being a total black hole with only a popular ‘wrong side of the tracks’ gay bar to being a centre of art, fashion and night life. The surrounding residential areas began to ‘go up’ and without losing the creative vibe.

However… I got ill and became rather housebound. I couldn’t really enjoy what the neighbourhood had to offer, so last year I moved to Tottenham – a flat right on the river Lea. With a garden. Now my life is all about walks with my dog and pottering about. It’s super quiet here – the main noise nuisance is geese and seagulls rather than drunk shouting angry people. But I certainly got the cultural bends moving out here.

a rainy view from my window.

So what about now? I am not the person I was half a lifetime ago when I moved here. Has London lost it’s shine? Well, I certainly don’t *do* London. I don’t see plays or go to exhibitions, but I still feel comfortable here. And you see that grey block between my garden and the trees opposite? That’s the Lea. I could hardly live somewhere more secluded even if I moved to the countryside. I used to travel often, and wherever I went I imagined living in the place. Sometimes I got quite excited. I had this conversation with Ken when he was here. He asked if I really would move elsewhere if money wasn’t an issue, and I really just thought I’d like a bit more space where I am. I know there are fancier neighbourhoods and there are certainly prettier cities and I do like the seaside… but maybe now, whatever happens, I am contented to be where I am. Not to say I couldn’t use some time off. If money really wasn’t an issue then I would spend January-March somewhere else, but I can’t really imagine wanting to move from here.


Lori from dearmsmigraine nominated me for this award;

As is my habit, now, I will warmly accept the award and then pick and choose about what to do about the rules.

Very Inspiring Blogger Award Rules

1.Display the award logo on your blog.
2.Link back to the person who nominated you.
3.State 7 things about yourself.
4.Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them.
5.Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements.

So, no matter HOW inspired I may be by 15 bloggers, that sounds like WORK. What I will do is to link to a couple of blogs I am enjoying right now or think you might want to click through to. A COUPLE, I said. Not 15, that’s overkill.

I don’t mind saying 7 things. And it’s not a bad thing to do at the beginning of a time when there are some new readers on the radar YOO HOO!!! NEW READERS!

1. I am 50. It’s been three months and a week or so, and I am getting used to it now. But it feels much more like a big one than 40 did. I could still pass for early 30s in my 40s AND it wasn’t technically too late to have a baby. Which I didn’t do and now it actually is too late. How do I feel about that?

2. I don’t massively mind not having children. I do really like having a dog, though. Much as I loved my cats when I had them, dogs win, they just do. I like other people’s babies though, they smell nice. But then, so does Poppet, though she smells of grass and mud and biscuits, whereas babies smell of something like a light vanilla and parma violet. Turkish delight, maybe?

3. I am a bit worried about my composting situation. I’ve got a home made bin which is now full, and has tiger worms living in it. I believe I will have usable stuff by the springtime from that. Meanwhile I have started a compost heap, which is really not an ideal thing to have in a small garden. I am thinking about buying a proper bin for a second helping. Usually you need three piles, but with the worms things should be a lot quicker. I am still festering about whether to buy a standard bin and adapt it or whether to buy a proper one, which presumably comes at a proper price, too. I stupidly asked the previous occupier to get rid of the bin he had. DAMMIT.

4. I have been internet campaigning for the badgers. Our government wanted to kill them ALL because of bovine TB. They have a stay of execution because of SCIENCE and lobbying, and the issue will be looked at again next year. Poor badgers. They never bother anyone. Badly named, I guessed.

5. I have started painting a bit again lately. I dare say proof of these exploits will be forthcoming on this blog. I’d like to think I will do a few little somethings over the course of a month.

6. My neighbour Stephen gave me some apples.

One went to brown mush almost immediately, so I washed the rest in cider vinegar and water. Should give them a stay of execution til they get eaten.

7. I am in great need of a tea or a coffee. I am going to go to the kitchen to consider my options.

NOW. Seona at pieces of me tends to keep her blog on the down low. But this month she has decided to join in with the posting every day hoo ha, so pop on over and give her some encouragement! I hereby offer her this award!

SECONDLY, my friend Helen has been a painter for a long time, and has started a couple of painting blogs… but now she has ‘come out’ as a passionate knitter! So much so that she has opened a shop. She also cooks, and she is also interesting. Here’s her blog knitonemorerow pretty, isn’t it? An award for her, too.

See? Two is enough. You should always believe me, I am always right. You’re welcome.

Rain, blues, arguments, and an award.


News just in; Be careful what you ask for.

I wanted it to rain to facilitate my guerrilla gardening, since I don’t want to be carrying buckets of water to where I want to plant out, but it hasn’t bloody stopped. Usually I rather like rain. Makes me feel cozy. But, darlings! I HAVE A HORRIBLE COLD. And when I have a horrible cold I don’t want to see rain. Bad enough my nose is running.


Much news to tell you. Because yesterday’s post was all about the garden it seemed a little a propos of nothing at all to include such things as a lovely tumblr I made the other day in celebration of the colour blue.

Joan Miró – This is the Colour of My Dreams (1925)

There is just so much going on right now. I asked to rent a garage on my estate, knowing the one right outside my flat is EMPTY FFS, and I just got the drippiest rejection email. Just parroting the tired old shit about garages being for car owners, even though no car owners ever use the garages for their cars (except the odd vintage car enthusiast) when we want it for BIKES. Surely we have the moral high ground?

Ten says we should get an old banger for the registration details and then fill it with a ton of plants all over, to MAKE A POINT. While I like this idea I would prefer to argue until they agree with me. Although, either is good.

One compromise might be to buy a vehicle we could actually use for something. One of the Kirsties suggested AN OLD AMBULANCE. Old ambulances can be very awesome indeed, and I can’t gank the picture, but look at this one! I soooooo want it. Look at it’s little FACE!


It’s ridiculous how much news I have for you right now. I’d save some of it, but this bit is somewhat overdue. I have a new taker for the sneakyfucker award. The intriguing aliceatwonderland has claimed it for her own. AND in related news, I have just been given another award myself! It’s called the ‘silver quill’ award and i got it from rosiewinelover just for a change. I will accept it in my usual manner, of not fulfilling any of the obligations I don’t want to, but since she said this of me; because she is mad as a box of frogs and that can never be a bad thing! I can only muster up so much so much bad grace.

These are the rules.

To pay tribute to the one who nominated you

Rosiewinelover tirelessly gives me awards, even though I never fulfill the rules. This only hints at the kind of stamina this woman has. She campaigns and advocates for epilepsy among other things, and makes her own pickles.

To answer the following questions.

To nominate five others and let them know. 


1- Do you prefer rhyming or non-rhyming poetry? No. I pretty much hate poetry. I do, however, like good songs which could pass for poetry. I remain devoted to Patti Smith, even though I was a mere stripling when I got into her.

2- What’s your favorite Shakespeare Play? Seriously, do you think that someone who admits to hating poetry has a favourite Shakespeare play? No, I don’t. What I do very much like is how very many of his phrases are still going strong in modern day parlance.

3- Who is your favourite author? Usually whoever I am currently reading or have just read, but a stand out author for me was Annie Proulx. Even though I read most of her stuff and only really loved The Shipping News I loved that one book so much. I didn’t even hate the film, which was a bonus.

4- Name three people who you greatly admire. Harvey Milk, Ulrike Meinhof, Ken McLeod.


5- What’s your favourite album ever? The Hissing of Summer Lawns. Patti Smith is more exciting, but you can’t fault Joni, and you can listen to her any time.

6- Which primary color do you most dislike? This is an entirely bullshit question. There are no bad colours, only bad application and juxtaposition of colours. Also, there are things that bug me about colour that are quite specific. Like, I think it is lazy to use colours straight out of the tube. The worst offender is veridian, which does not occur in nature.

7- Name a song or a poem that makes you feel emotional. I listened to Joni Mitchell singing Passion Play this morning. “Who you gonna get to do the dirty work when all the slaves are free?” Slightly off topic, but only a little, it was while I was canvasing for signatures against the badger cull.

So we come to;

To nominate five others and let them know. Which I won’t do. What I will do is point you to some of the stuff I have enjoyed lately. Five stuffs, if you will. Lookit my sidebar, scroll, scroll, and after my blogroll you can see FIVE particular posts I have liked lately. Widgets, they are the way forward. Fact.

So, and I haven’t even told you about Ken’s visit. He blogs a bit about it here and promises more soon. All the photographic evidence of his visit is on his ipad. He has accepted my gracious offer of an invitation to Drop Box, so I expect access to ALL THE SNAPS quickety quick.

holiday time! botox for migraine, and waffling on about the olympics – and a poll! many good things!


we’re going to bri-ghton! we’re going to bri-ghton!

we were going to wales, but i got an appointment at the migraine clinic bang in the middle of our proposed travelly time, and had to cancel. wales is too far to go for less than a week. brighton, on the other hand, isn’t. in m’previous post i linked to a little tumblr i made with the purpose of fishing for holiday swapsies. i didn’t get the swap i constructed the thing for, but it occurred to me to show it around to brighton peeps, and one such friend actually happened to need a dog/house sitter for the latter half of this very week.

so excited. the doggy we are visiting is the one who inspired me to adopt a staffie. she is an old girl now, but i’ve known her since she was a pup, and she’s a lovely girl.

do not fear. THERE WILL BE PHOTOS. oh yes.

i don’t know if we will see everyone this time round, but i do know there will be group dog walks. that’s it. i don’t know anything else.

we will go look at the sea, too. but i don’t know the summer dog on beach rules, so we will have to find out about all that.

and, “hollybags”? don’t ask me. i think it was one of the kirsties who coined it. or at least, passed it on to me. for safekeeping, like.


the national migraine centre is a private charity, not part of the NHS. it’s been run by a famous Dr, Anne MacGregor, who has dedicated herself to researching the part hormones play in migraine. when i went to see my neuro at whitechapel last year, for what i assumed would be the last time because i was moving out of the borough it turned out that he was moving on, too. Dr MacGregor is off to concentrate on research at barts, and he, Dr Giles Elrington, is taking over at the migraine clinic. I’d stopped going there because being a chronic, paying every visit wasn’t an option. He told me he would waive the fee for me, though.

giles. he’s so posh he really does wear a bow tie.

the suggested donation is currently £100. so, not inconsiderable. what i will be happy to pay for, though, is the botox treatment. this is his hobby horse. it’s been approved by NICE (national institute for clinical excellence – our FDA) but the NHS trusts all have to decide whether to bank roll it, and they are taking their sweet time.

at £600 a time it’s not cheap (which i don’t really understand, since botox is actually not expensive in itself) but if you are a chronic like me then neither is almost daily use of triptans, and in a more general way, an inability to do a day’s work. i think i cost the state a good deal more than £600 a quarter.

IF he can whip out the needle on tuesday i will be very pleased. i have had botox before and it worked really well. apparently you need to give it a couple of goes to see if it’s not just a placebo effect, but it could become cost effective if it meant i could work. what i would work at is a whole other question. of course, i have the fibro to contend with as well. my attempt to swim myself well not only sparked more migraines than i could cope with, but also quite a bit of IBS related flare ups. and then there was the fatigue… so it’s not a cut and dried situation, but bloody hell, i am sick and tired of being sick and tired, so lets give it a whirl.


i’m slightly weeing myself with excitement over what possible escapades protesters might get up to during the olympics. people are being arrested for the slightest thing at the moment, though, so they’ll have to be smart. i’ve written a whole waffle about it, but it’s not been posted yet.

and, speaking of waffling, you may note that i am writing like a normal person over there. i felt it was the way to go. trouble is, now i am all sixes and sevens about capitalization. what do YOU think?

bladerunner, two awards, and seven things about me


Migraine Awareness Month #28: “Lights, Camera, Action.” Pick a movie character you can identify with, talk a bit about them and why you identify with them.

Rutger Hauer as Roy Batty – Blade Runner

“Quite an experience to live in fear, isn’t it?

That’s what it is to be a slave.”

replicant, roy batty’s problem is partly lack of lifespan, but he is also criminalized by the construction of his DNA. he is trapped. he suffers. he is an amazing being, but he is flawed beyond the ordinary meaning of the word. this leads him to do ‘questionable things’. but nothing helps. he is a prisoner of circumstances beyond his control.

“National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by”


now! on to cheerier things!

i am currently the recipient of two AWARDS.

this one is the LET THEM EAT CAKE award from cat’s litter box

she flatters me thusly;

“Elaine has given me so much to think about over the years in one forum or another. I am enriched daily by her insights. She also has a particularly stunning dog.”

so, naturally, i accept with my usual graciousness.

AND i have been given ANOTHER ONE. the bipolar place has offered me a VERSATILE BLOGGER award!

so, thanks to him, for that, as well!

this one comes with conditions

Award acceptance: Tell you seven things about myself and nominate as many or little bloggers you wish.

Seven Things About Me:

1. i like getting awards well enough, but it became clear to me that it was a tricky business to give them, since not everyone wants to get involved in the pyramid element of it all. i have solved this problem through the simple expedient of making my own awards, which have no strings and awarding them as the mood takes me. as has cat, with her rather repulsive litter box. (but very kind sentiments).

2. i have become a words with friends fanatic. i’ve even neglected twitter in order to play all the words with friends. I AM AN ADDICT. i wonder if there is a words with friends anonymous yet?

3. i have done two things today and am now exhausted. i have taken to my quilts and will have a bit of a lie down after this.

4. i will listen to rivers of london on audiobook during said lie down. it’s part of a trilogy by Ben Aaronovitch. when i started it i thought what a lot of tosh since it combines police procedural with magic, and although i like super powers i am wary of MAGIC. but then i started to get into it and now i am hooked.

5. i realize that i have had a bit of a history of having quite negative role models. from tess of the d’urbervilles and jane eyre to sylvia plath i seem to have tended toward the tragic heroine in my teens. roy batty is a change of gender but is no less tragic.

not all of my teenage role models were tragic, though. i read jessica mitford avidly and loved patti smith.

6. i will be sorry to see the end of migraine month, it’s been awesome.

7. but i will be starting at the daily waffle which is soooo exciting!

so, no nominations, as such. i dare say i will make more awards as i go along, but if you feel you would like one of the sneakyfucker awards then shoot me a line.

pip pip!

drink more water, accepting an award, and a quote


Migraine Awareness Month #11:  “Say What?!” What’s the most ridiculous thing ever said to you about Migraines, who said it, and under what circumstances?

for me, it’s not just the STUPIDNESS of the thing, but also very much the context. a lot of the time i am interested in people’s suggestions, just because it’s usually simple things that are helpful (and i have fibro and possibly? a stand alone mental health condition, so i need all the help i can get) but there are some times when the “helpful suggestion” is just so annoying. and it’s usually when i think someone should know me better.

the time i am thinking of, in particular, was when some helpful soul suggested i drink more water. now, depending on how this is put or the timing of it, this can be a good idea. HOWEVER! in the ten years plus that i have suffered from chronic migraine i do think i have tried drinking more water. really, it’s not an obscure idea.

what pissed me off about this incident was that it was when i was involved with the buddhists in such a way that i was in a close knit group. you’d think that buddhists would be quite mindful and, adding insult to injury, this person had chronic pain issues too. i do understand that people often can’t bear my pain, most especially the fact that it is unlikely to go away. i get it, but the way i was told “drink more water” was so dismissive. as if i were a naughty person who deliberately didn’t drink water in order to give myself constant migraines! I’LL SHOW THEM HAHAHA! – let me be ILL ALL THE TIME! WHAT FUN!

no, it doesn’t work like that. thank you for your input.

“National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by”


and, breathe.

missus tribble offered me this award yesterday. thank god! i thought. not because i was desperate for recognition, although i am a fiend for praise, but because, crikey bongo! isn’t blogging every single day hard?

so having a TASK is a relief. only thing is that this one is a bit un-tasky because it requires me to tell you seven random things about myself, which still leaves a lot to me. however, it does at least let me extemporize in a way in which i might not have felt free to do otherwise. isn’t it weird, we have this space in which we can put pretty much anything, and yet we can still feel some sort of pressure. i don’t know when i became a monkey on a unicycle, i really don’t.

anyway, at the risk of having my precious award whipped away from me, the other half of the award equation is that of passing it on. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH EFFORT I MADE DOING THIS THE LAST TIME? DO YOU? loads, is what, and i think a grand total of zero bloggers accepted the award. so this time i am keeping the damn thing to myself.

so! on with the show!

seven random things. let me see.

1. my dog just grunted. she does that a lot. it’s the sound of contentment.

2. i need new glasses. these are totally wrong for my eyes now. this task involves going to an optician and having an eye test. neither of which mix and match well with this perma migraine i seem to have had the last fortnight or so. but having the wrong glasses on could easily be giving me headaches, so BLAH.

3. i will be 50 this month. i have mostly asked for cake, but my friend lottie asked me what else i wanted, so i sent her a list. mostly of things i wanted someone else to come with me to do. and we are going to do the first thing next friday, which is swimming in my local pool. AND what is more, friday is her day off, AND it is also a women only time at the pool, AND there is a poolside steam and sauna. mixing it UPUPUPUPUP!!!!!

4. ten claimed he found a wart on my side. i said ‘how do you know it’s a wart?’ and he said BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN WATCHING WITCH PORN. reader, it’s just as well i have a sense of humour, is all i can say.

5. i officially resigned from the buddhist things i was doing just after i moved here, in september. i am still more or less a buddhist, but probably in the same way as someone who says they are “C of E” is a christian. for those who are not in the UK, C of E is short for Church of England. saying you are C of E is more or less an admission of being fairly comfortable about not going to church, though might well marry in one.

6. when my mum visited recently she tried to help me hang the laundry. i let her, but it took ALL my restraint. odd thing, perhaps, but i like to hang my laundry myself. it’s not exactly a work of art, but i find it very comforting.

7. i like silence. i hardly ever listen to music. i used to love music. i think it’s the fibro. i especially can’t bear more than one sound source at a time.


My personal hobbies are reading, listening to music, and silence.

Edith Sitwell
English biographer, critic, novelist, & poet (1887 – 1964)

my first migraine, question time, and scary french stories


migraine awareness month heralds a blogging thingybob where we migraineurs are invited to blog together all month about migraines. now, you know me, i don’t like to bang on about my ailments, but i am going to give this a little whirl. i don’t know if i will manage every day, and i don’t intend to just give you a wall of migraine all month, what’d be the point of that apart from demonstrating in real time what my actual daily life is like and losing all and any readers in the process, i should think.

clicky through image to see the topics

thing is, there are lots of RULES about where to put links and how to tag and whatnot. frankly, my dears, i will give it a bash and if it is not SUPER EASY i will abandon it. and that, as you may have gathered, is how i roll. prompt one is this;

Migraine Awareness Month #1: Your First for the First. Share the story of your first Migraine, what it was like, if you knew what it was, what you did, how you felt.

the thing of it is, that i don’t know when my first migraine was. this might seem a bizarre statement to make, but it took me decades to get diagnosed, and i had a problem with chronic daily headache, made worse by tanking codeine based pain killers, for YEARS. i came off the pain killers under supervision and discovered that i’d been having a lot of rebound headaches.

once the rebound headaches had been weeded out i found that i was still having episodic headaches that would last around three days. i figured they were migraines, and went to my doc. darlings, this doctor was not notable for his bedside manner. and he didn’t like any attempt at self diagnosis. god knows what state he got into once joe and jolene public got their grubby mitts on google and wikepidia.

anyway, i told the doc what i thought and asked for triptans. he told me BRUSQUELY that if my headaches were not migraines they would not help. in a tone which told me in a capslock subtext that if i had diagnosed it myself then i couldn’t possibly be right and the drug wouldn’t help one bit, NO SIRREE BOB!

however, i was right, and the drug did help. for a while.

i remember, as a kid, having headaches and having to go to my bed during the day. i have no idea if they were migraines. my parents seem to think i was making them up. but i remember the pain. could have been something else, though, because i didn’t start having a problem with persistent headaches until i was in my early twenties. we may never know.

“National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by”


so, well done for reading that. what can i give you as a pudding? well, feast your eyes on this

it’s a new craze brought to my attention by @unfortunatalie who runs a question time evening in hackney where everyone hangs out together tweeting along to question time and ignoring their friends in the room. the dimble dance is named after richard dimbleby, who presents the show.

here’s a taste of the article;

“Question Time is a serious programme,” said one viewer, Chris Nicholson. “But at the same time there is something dramatic and even camp about it that opens up something of a pantomime.”
“There are no big ideas anymore,” said Nicholson. “So the politicians are now shop-window dummies for the audience to jeer at: I guess we’ve found our own comedic Orwellian hate hour now.”


what i loved was the way that nat retweeted all the people who said mean things about it on twitter! what a trouper! made me look, anyway, so bollocks to them! and hurrah to natalie for being such a good sport.


another guardian article caught my eye yesterday. terrifying french childrens books in pictures gave me quite a thrill.

all the horrid fun of shockheaded peter kind of a thing, but en francais! my current FAVOURITE language.

ou est maman? je ne sais pas! malhereusement, petite personne de quoi sexe, on a vu que tu es dans un forêt d’épines. is all i can say, for the moment!

tootling along the information superhighway in a morris minor with a flask of tea and a map


a weird thing seems to happen to this blog. maybe it’s a coincidence, or maybe is becoming a thing?

i hadn’t heard of it until i was namechecked on twitter as a contributer. the first time i wrote it off as a freak event, but now i have been featured in two different ones! the first time it was a guy who is a labour politician in scotland who was following me on twitter, but seems to have changed his mind now, and then the other day a disability rights & green activist did the same. both of them put blog posts of mine under ‘stories’ in their paper, which is quite nice, since i think i am more of a colour supplement kind of a person than a newsy one. i am also quite liking the spread of my apparent appeal – leftie and green? why not.

although, that said, i do follow textsfromhillaryclinton on tumblr, so i feel that i am as well informed about current affairs as i need to be. there’s no need to overdo these things. once you are a bit informed it seems to me you only need a little bit of topping up.

and i am culturally aware enough to know that this is a ‘mashup’ and even – get this –  what of. so it’s almost as though i am part of the world and everything. mind you i would never have known about fuckyeahryangosling if not for feministryangosling being featured in the guardian and therefore my facebook feed. sometimes it’s a close call as to whether i am all over le dernier cri of contemporary culture or hopelessly out of the loop. it’s like living on a DAMN RAZOR’S EDGE you know.

at least i am at home on the internets, that’s all i can say. residents of the information superhighway need only a flask of tea and a map, and it’s all go. talking of maps, this, just in, from @mockducka map of all the places mentioned in nick cave’s book the death of bunny monroe

i’ve not read it, have any of you? is it good? i like his lyrics, so might be tempted to give it a look. i am pretty familiar with brighton, but any fans who aren’t might really like to peel the little man off and have a skoot around this map. it’s a great idea, right?

dotty headbanger has made another award. here it is. shiny, no? i like how the awards look on the mantlepiece of my blog, i have to say.

as you can see, it’s for being brilliant, which i will own. though it’s not for any specific brilliance on my part, more just because. and really, what better reason than because is there?

alright, here’s the real story, and a NEW award to go with it. i am awarding dotty headbanger a brand new sneakyfucker award for creating an award to get people to click the LIKED button on the post she uses as her front page. if you click through you will see just how effective this shockingly brazen strategy really has been. see all the gravatars! see how many likes! BRIBERY, my friends, that is what we respond to.

so, without further ado, here is the new sneakyfucker award

the laughing fox award for the sneaky use of awards.

this is getting so self referential i’m expecting to create a worm hole right about now.

award for sneaks goes viral. well, not viral AS SUCH…


it’s all go, on the award front! not only am i fairly bristling  with them myself, now, but also! i have had a 200% rise in uptake for the sneakyfucker award!

that is right! i now have THREE recipients!

you may remember, back during sneaky fucker week i gave handflappper this prestigious award after hooching it up on

there she was, minding her own business, accepting some blogging award or other, quite graciously, i thought, while totally declining to fulfill the conditions, when i spotted a way to join in sneaky fucker week without doing any real graft for it. make an award for sneakyfuckery!  it is true that i felt that her handling of the slippery affair of awards was done with the sort of flair only a grade A sneak can boast. have cake, will eat! after all, it’s nice to get an award, and a pain in the butt to then have to slog for it. this is why there are NO CONDITIONS to the acceptance of a sneakyfucker award. NONE. and why i got to join in sneaky fucker week with only a macro to my name. nice.

fast forward to modern times. remember i awarded myself the dotty headbanger award for being mental and loving it? well, she cunningly slithered through my back posts and discovered the sneakyfucker award! through the simple expedient of explaining that she was an award slut and wanted one, she garnered the second ever sneakyfucker award.

meantime, not to be outdone, a new reader, graham, of the bipolar place claimed an award through the simple, but oh-so-effective expedient of flattery. he actually called my blog “COMICAL” and the award “THIS SEASON’S MUST HAVE”.

this, dear readers, is the way to my heart. and that kind of sneakeryness is to be celebrated, i think.

so well done! my newest awardees! may you flourish in your cunning. go forth with your shiny new banner! avast!

winner of a dotty headbanger award for being mental and loving it


you GUYS! you GUYS! i totally WIN at getting awards and this award was the easiest to win! it is the dotty headbanger award for being mental and loving it.

but even so, i am immensely proud of it and will wear it with a full to bursting heart, here on my front page. dotty seems to have come to the end of her tether with the whole award schtick, and has made one for EVERYONE who clicks through innocently from this image on her page

and all i have to do is to answer these simple questions;


1. How many bricks do you own?

2. How many Cumberland sausages can you fit in your mouth without chewing?

3. What is your most inventive way of using biscuits (or cookies if you’re American)?

4. If it was made compulsory to have a mental illness which one would you choose and why? (If you have a mental illness already you have to choose another).

1. there are two bricks balanced on the partition wall between me and my neighbour. doubtless he put them there, but i have this idea about making a brick patio and have had my eye on them ever since i noticed them.

2. only the beginning of one. i have a tiny doll’s mouth and cumberland sausages are BIG.

3. i want to say ‘building a patio’ but i know THAT would end in tears.

4. okay, i like the old timey freudian stories, wolf-man and the like. one that i’ve always been fond of is where the sufferer is convinced their bones have turned into glass. into glass! i ask you. what would the benefits agency make of that?

i can also pass this award on, but since i think the acceptance rate of blog on fire was roughly zero, i think i will follow dotty’s lead and simply say if you click through to her blog and like it enough to stay, give yourself an award.

blogs on fire


well now! i have been given an AWARD. because i am ON FIRE. well, at least rosewinelover thinks so, and who am i, mere bigheaded mortal that i am, to disagree? she describes me as “Long-time friend, lover of Staffordshire Bull Terriers. Sweet, adorable lunatic.” which goes to show she knows something about me.

ahem. so here’s the award, which i have already proudly emblazoned on my sidebar

and here’s what i have to do as a recipient;

SEVEN secrets and EIGHT nominations.

i don’t make the rules, bubs. (as SOMEONE* might say…)

okay, not secrets so much as some things you might you not know about me… let’s see…

1. i recently commented on a product I HAD NOT BOUGHT on amazon. i can’t remember who posted the link to it, someone on twitter, and i got itchy fingers. i’d never written anything on amazon before, and i did wonder if they might come to my front door and vaporize me for saying;

“We don’t know when or if this item will be back in stock.”, March 29, 2012

This review is from: My New Pink Button – Bettie (Health and Beauty)

“We don’t know when or if this item will be back in stock.”

well, GOOD.

who even thought of this? it is dismal. completely offensive. it actually epitomizes the self hatred we are encouraged to feel. don’t hate yourself enough yet? buy our product and watch a little piece of your soul DIE.


unbelievably, to me, this product is for making your private parts pretty. with makeup. because that’s what we’ve all been longing to be able to do, right?

some of the other reviews are actually VOMITINGLY funny. and i can thoroughly recommend the thrill of joining in. i meant to blog about it before, but the hunger games got in the way.

2. on klout i am ‘influential’ about 16 topics, one of which is klout itself. this is insane, because of all the interweb things in all the world i understand klout the least. topics real people have given me klout in are; tea, blogging, chocolate, and vaccines.

through the mighty power of whatever spying software it employs, klout also ‘believes’ i am influential in; klout, animals, meditation, coffee, books, birds, horror, facebook, bacon, pets, cats, and dogs.

among the bizillionty one other things that confuses me about klout, there is also the fact that there was a time, gentle reader, when klout believed that i was influential about fashion. now, i took this PRETTY DAMN SERIOUSLY. so i wrote this post about my fashion predictions for 2012, and a further one because, you know, I AM INFLUENTIAL ABOUT FASHION. but in the meantime klout have WITHDRAWN fashion as a topic. so i added it back just now. because, you know, me and fashion – we’re LIKE THAT. so. 17 topics, now. take THAT, klout!

3. the closest i have ever come to being anywhere near viral was with this picture;

which i posted on tumblr ages ago, and which turns up reblogged regularly. i don’t usually tumblr my own photos or artwork because i am not currently active as a visual artist. i enjoy clicking through and seeing what other pictures the rebloggers post it with. i follow them if i like what they are posting.

4. i once went to a club night dressed up as frida kahlo

my friend grace took the picture. the theme was “night of a thousand sombreros”. people literally treated me as if i actually was frida kahlo. as if i was famous. i wasn’t! i was DRESSED UP as someone famous! people are mental.

5. i will  be 50 this year. FIVE – OH!!!!!!! fifty. so weird. soooo weird.

i will have some friends round. my friend BJ was visiting yesterday, and she asked me what i wanted for my birthday, and i said CAKE.

because, cake, right? i didn’t even think about  it, and it is an awesome idea. i am friends with some very good cooks. my place is probably pretty comfy for a dozen people, so i can only invite a handful plus their significant others. makes it pretty easy to know who to invite. it will be the people who have been in my life over the past year. people who helped when i moved, when i was ill, and when i was mental. if i could have everyone i wanted i would, of course, want to invite the internet. well, not everyone on the internet, but bloggers and tweeters and the like. i will have to do some sort of birthday blog.

fifty, people. that’s half a damn century. only two of mes takes you back to the titanic sinking. think of that.

6. i have mucked out pigs. this is pig poo;

it’s like big rabbit droppings. my cousin has a bunch of rescue animals, two of which are BACON pigs. they are nice chaps, but don’t get between them and food, is all.

7. the first place i posted regularly was and it was peter from cn who taught me how to gank images and make hot links. and that is how much html i have ever needed to keep all my blogging free for a decade. thanks, peter!

‘robot building’ prompted a great thread.

so, that’s my seven things, and here are my eight nominees for the BLOG ON FIRE award. of course, this is going to be VEXED. largely because i follow quite a lot of blogs who either don’t follow me back or else never comment, have themed blogs which they would never deviate from. so, what to do? i probably don’t know eight bloggers who would want the award, half the people i read are not even blogging publicly. here’s the deal. i am going to tell you about blogs i like reading. just that. there may be one or two who pass the badge on. but i’d rather tell you about blogs i like than try to get a full quota of people who might reblog.

here goes.

1. so the SOMEONE  i mentioned thusly * is lucysfootball. wisecracking frizz haired amy, who blogs EVERY DAY! every single day. it’s like blogging is her superpower.

2. my favourite tumblr blogger is @mariskreizman at  slaughterhouse90210 as with a lot of really good creative projects, hers is a simple idea which no one else thought of.

3. ‘have a go’ blogger lahikmajoe has a blog about tea, but his wp blog has bits about all sorts in. he’ll blog about anything from the political stramash about gunter grass’s poem about israel to trying to blog in lowland scots, a dialect which most scottish writers avoid, so tricky is it to get right.

4. i want to nominate a ‘magazine’ now, my good internet friend charlie bertch set this up with his chums, and it’s pretty great. this is what he wrote about the hunger games, and here is a really interesting piece on the gunter grass furore. you can follow this in the wp reader, so i am counting it as a blog.

5. chiller writes about all sorts. her recent post on watering the garden may have saved my garden’s life.

6. this piece by sj made me laugh. i mean, we’re bloggers, right? we are going to like a rant about blogging.

7. eldon is hilarious. that is all.

8. i don’t write novels but i follow noveldoctor because he is clever and funny. and if you write anything it is useful to read stuff about writing. i read stephen king’s on writing recently, and it was really interesting. and useful. and so is this blog. he also tweets @noveldoctor.

and, see? once i liberated myself from the thrall of trying to think about who would like having this award, who would follow the memey bit of it, all that stuff, and just recommended some blogs i got through it really fast and could go on. this list doesn’t even replicate my blogroll. i know! crazy, right? who knew a blogger might read loads of different blogs?

live and learn, people. live and learn.