I have a cold – I know, early uptaker!

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I don’t even know how long I have had this cold now. Is it forever or forever and a day? Here, in the plague house we are kind of just waiting each other out to see who dies. It’s like the Shackleton expedition. But with more tissues. This morning when I blew my nose something resembling a smallish coral reef came out. It wasn’t pink, though.

And at such times, when energies are at their lowest, what better to do than to contact alldogsmatter to see if i can do a little fostering? Because, you know, in the middle of a cold when you are bedridden and can’t remember when you last ate, that’s the best time to take on looking after a troubled dog.

Looking at the dogs’ specs I thought Benson looked like a good candidate.

benson. a handsome middle aged staffie. laydeez beware!

I can’t offer him a forever home, OBVS! (NO, REALLY, TRULY, OBVS – don’t bait me on this!)

Alldogsmatter don’t have a pound. When you go see a dog it’s one at a time and in a foster carer’s house, so you see the dog as it really is and not in a cage surrounded by lots of hysterical unhappy dogs. It’s a good system. It’s how I got Poppet.  I Lo-ho-hoved the look of “Badger” the husky/collie mix, but I know my limitations. That dog needs someone, or a whole bunch of someones with a ton of spare energy. Benson, on the other hand, is a middle aged staffie lad, who Poppet will enjoy having around. He needs a foster carer by the weekend, so if it’s going to be me it’s going to be SOON.

badger. off limits to us, but what a gorgeous boy!

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In I am the best daughter ever news, my mum got the Kindle today, and is super happy with it. Not bad for someone who, when asked what she thought of such a thing said NO. It was the simplest one available – much like the phone I got her – no camera, no internet, just phone and text. For a technophobe  she does seem to like gadgets that do something awesome but don’t have anywhere to get lost in.

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Did anyone else see anything about this? It’s about an apartment in Paris which was locked up for the war and never lived in again. A friend on fb shared one pic, and I had to go find more. She was jonesing for the dressing table, but I think I’d prefer the mirror.

Apparently the press got excited when they found a valuable painting there, but for me that’s just a mislead. I wish the lady had left me the apartment in her will. I’d love to just go there, have a bit of a wipe round and a hoover and move in. Get the chimney swept and wifi installed, bingo!

my friends, news on cats, and a WTF moment on twitter

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Migraine Awareness Month #27: “In my Head and Heart.” Who inspires you to keep trying and not give up, despite your Migraines?

ten and poppet, of course. also, all my friends, both IRL and on the internet.

having been a migraineur for – oof, it’s got to be a decade – i have pretty well whittled down my real life friends to people who “get” me. or they whittled me down. in any case i have quite a few very old very good friends, and i have new friends who never knew me any other way, so they tend to be super easy since they don’t expect me to go shopping or hiking or anything.

and i really like those little daily connections i have with people when i walk the popster.

also, though, my virtual friends are super precious. keeping me going day by day with little interactions via the twitter or facebook or BY COMMENTING HERE – YES! DOOO ITTTT !!!!! I LIKE ITTTTT !!!!!!

so, yes. team effort. go team!

ten’s camera shy, but look at the poppet. wouldn’t this little bobbin keep anyone going?

“National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.”

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you may remember i asked for help rehoming these two cats?

well, on my birthday i thought to ask my friend emma if she would take one. she had to give up her cat because he brought rats onto her bed, and she’s not really able to make her own bed, so stripping it and doing a wash was an epic challenge too far for the frequency of “gifts”. she missed kitty company though, and it so happened she was already thinking of getting another cat. she chose to take on pearl, the black one. pearl’s a quiet indoorsy girl, so perhaps a better fit.

hannah has had a trip to the vet’s recently, and, sadly, has only been given a few months to live. despite her kittenish demeanor she is quite old, and it seems she’s not terribly well. the reason they had been looking for new homes was that their owner was moving in with her elderly mother, and it was thought that the cats could be quite dangerous underfoot. but given the situation, keeping hannah seems to be for the best. you can keep an eye open for one cat fairly easily, and it would be a shame to try to rehome her now.

so, mixture of good news and bad, but neither cat is being put down, so a result, i’d say. and also probably better than trying either of them with poppet. i’d love pops to have a little kitty friend, but i think the best chance of NO SAVAGING would be with a kitten. she has a mothering instinct which might just override her prey instinct.

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since i am not feeling terribly glamorous and i can’t be bothered doing anything about it, you will have to take my word for it i got my new specs. so then i thought, well i have to find something else to blog about to round off this post.

between facebook, tumblr, and twitter, there’s usually some little gem to share. this one is more of a WTF than a gem, though.

ah! life in the UK. such fun.

the fear, the fear, fun and games\no more fun and games, and a night out at the open kitchen

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Migraine Awareness Month #21:  “Shaking in My Boots.” What’s your biggest Migraine related fear. How do you cope with it? 

oh god. that’s a HORRIBLE question. obviously not having medication with me can get terrifying, especially when i am going to have to travel. but i have been in the situation where i am away, i have triptans, but they just don’t cover it and then i have to travel as well.

to get home and be SAFE becomes a number one priority, but the traveling is horrendous to the power of some high number or other. there was this one time i went on a meditation retreat. you’d think that would be the ideal sortie for the likes of me, but no. i started migraining hard and my medication wasn’t even touching it. it was winter. we had gone on the retreat by public transport and had to travel back on a sunday. in the uk sundays are when they mend the tracks, so half way through the journey back, in the freezing snowy dark we had to get out of the train and get on a bus. i was just… i can’t even tell you how bad it was. it was like some sort of hideous endurance test. i am so glad i wasn’t  alone because i was in a horrible state and it lasted forever.

even so, when i think about the horrible times when medication doesn’t touch the sides and i am driven mad by the knowledge that i have hours and hours to go before there is any chance of a let up, that’s the worst. even though my horrible journey was horrible there is something really frightening about being at home and knowing there is no way of passing the time except to tolerate the pain.

“National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.”

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now! on to cheerier subjects! i made you a tumblr post yesterday, on the theme of fun and games/no more fun and games. here it is.

elaine4queen.tumblr.com/day/2012/06/20

and here is a pic from the pick.

A Casting From Life, Edouard Dantan, 1887

i did a lot of casting when i was at art school. smothering bits of my body with plaster. one time i forgot to put on the vaseline we used as a release, and the cast took all my hair out with it. FUN AND GAMES!

now, talking of fun and games, i hereby dedicate any and all shenanigans today to AMY who hasn’t got a twitter, so i can’t link to her, but who has got a terribly grown up day ahead of her, and is in need of a fun and games dedication.

on fb Amy wrote: “I have to go to work and be moaned at by people who think I’m not doing my job properly, and today I’m working with a Spanish girl who doesn’t understand 90% of what I’m saying! Do some scampering for me!”

so i will be thinking of her while i scamper around the internet today.

ooh! and this just in – please scamper a bit for danie if you have the time;

Danie wrote: “I’m too busy to scamper today…work and mutt and packing and stuff…could someone have a quick scamper for me, please? (NOT you, Doug! You’ve scampered enough…)”

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lastly but not leastly YOU GUYS! I WENT OUT LAST NIGHT! LIKE A REAL PERSON!

i even had WINE! just like a real person, although i cheated a bit and asked for a small wine in a big glass and topped up with water.

my friend BJ was in charge of starters

from catwalk to artist’s studio to kitchen, ever the superstar

i had mushrooms with goats cheese and hand made pesto. it was THE MOST DELICIOUS THING. and ten had a chicken satay. he doesn’t like to be in the blog, so you just have to take my word for it he’s real and i didn’t just order two starters. which is what my friend lottie did when she arrived. i am not including the picture with me, rachel, and lottie, because i look crappy in it and it’s MY BLOG. i get to look NICE in it.

on the way home we saw the lapdogs of the 1% playing croquet. croquet, i ask you. i only just signed a petition against fois gras being sold in london restaurants. i signed it in part for the poor goosies who look so miserable, and in part because there is something extremely repulsive about people living like that when most of us are doing without so much. (n.b. we got to eat our fancy food because my friend BJ is nearly finished some cheffy training she is doing, and the college have their own restaurant, with food priced VERY affordably.) for anyone in london here’s a link to the open kitchen. starters £3, main £6, dessert £3.

tootling along the information superhighway in a morris minor with a flask of tea and a map

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a weird thing seems to happen to this blog. maybe it’s a coincidence, or maybe paper.li is becoming a thing?

i hadn’t heard of it until i was namechecked on twitter as a contributer. the first time i wrote it off as a freak event, but now i have been featured in two different ones! the first time it was a guy who is a labour politician in scotland who was following me on twitter, but seems to have changed his mind now, and then the other day a disability rights & green activist did the same. both of them put blog posts of mine under ‘stories’ in their paper, which is quite nice, since i think i am more of a colour supplement kind of a person than a newsy one. i am also quite liking the spread of my apparent appeal – leftie and green? why not.

although, that said, i do follow textsfromhillaryclinton on tumblr, so i feel that i am as well informed about current affairs as i need to be. there’s no need to overdo these things. once you are a bit informed it seems to me you only need a little bit of topping up.

and i am culturally aware enough to know that this is a ‘mashup’ and even – get this -  what of. so it’s almost as though i am part of the world and everything. mind you i would never have known about fuckyeahryangosling if not for feministryangosling being featured in the guardian and therefore my facebook feed. sometimes it’s a close call as to whether i am all over le dernier cri of contemporary culture or hopelessly out of the loop. it’s like living on a DAMN RAZOR’S EDGE you know.

at least i am at home on the internets, that’s all i can say. residents of the information superhighway need only a flask of tea and a map, and it’s all go. talking of maps, this, just in, from @mockducka map of all the places mentioned in nick cave’s book the death of bunny monroe

i’ve not read it, have any of you? is it good? i like his lyrics, so might be tempted to give it a look. i am pretty familiar with brighton, but any fans who aren’t might really like to peel the little man off and have a skoot around this map. it’s a great idea, right?

dotty headbanger has made another award. here it is. shiny, no? i like how the awards look on the mantlepiece of my blog, i have to say.

as you can see, it’s for being brilliant, which i will own. though it’s not for any specific brilliance on my part, more just because. and really, what better reason than because is there?

alright, here’s the real story, and a NEW award to go with it. i am awarding dotty headbanger a brand new sneakyfucker award for creating an award to get people to click the LIKED button on the post she uses as her front page. if you click through you will see just how effective this shockingly brazen strategy really has been. see all the gravatars! see how many likes! BRIBERY, my friends, that is what we respond to.

so, without further ado, here is the new sneakyfucker award


the laughing fox award for the sneaky use of awards.

this is getting so self referential i’m expecting to create a worm hole right about now.

award for sneaks goes viral. well, not viral AS SUCH…

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it’s all go, on the award front! not only am i fairly bristling  with them myself, now, but also! i have had a 200% rise in uptake for the sneakyfucker award!

that is right! i now have THREE recipients!

you may remember, back during sneaky fucker week i gave handflappper this prestigious award after hooching it up on cheezburgers.com.

there she was, minding her own business, accepting some blogging award or other, quite graciously, i thought, while totally declining to fulfill the conditions, when i spotted a way to join in sneaky fucker week without doing any real graft for it. make an award for sneakyfuckery!  it is true that i felt that her handling of the slippery affair of awards was done with the sort of flair only a grade A sneak can boast. have cake, will eat! after all, it’s nice to get an award, and a pain in the butt to then have to slog for it. this is why there are NO CONDITIONS to the acceptance of a sneakyfucker award. NONE. and why i got to join in sneaky fucker week with only a macro to my name. nice.

fast forward to modern times. remember i awarded myself the dotty headbanger award for being mental and loving it? well, she cunningly slithered through my back posts and discovered the sneakyfucker award! through the simple expedient of explaining that she was an award slut and wanted one, she garnered the second ever sneakyfucker award.

meantime, not to be outdone, a new reader, graham, of the bipolar place claimed an award through the simple, but oh-so-effective expedient of flattery. he actually called my blog “COMICAL” and the award “THIS SEASON’S MUST HAVE”.

this, dear readers, is the way to my heart. and that kind of sneakeryness is to be celebrated, i think.

so well done! my newest awardees! may you flourish in your cunning. go forth with your shiny new banner! avast!

two posts? are you kidding?

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i am not kidding. this is my second post today. you’re so welcome.

not satisfied with writing every day for the past few days, here i am writing a second. well. let’s put this in context – i wrote about how i awarded myself a dotty headbanger award and answered her award questions. and that was this morning. a lot has happened since then. i took the dog a totally new walk, round the allotments! more interesting than you’d think. and minutes away from here. it’s going to be my new favourite walk, and there will be pictures.

before coming home i also awarded myself a cut price easter egg. the pinching headache in my forehead might be something to do with the consumption thereof, but the sicky feeling definitely is. i am going to rectify this by quickly dashing to the fridge to get a glass of coke. i am all about the health today. well, it’s the london marathon, we have to make an effort, and after realizing that half my twitter feed were having a #cakeathon i felt i had something to contribute to the culture of scoffing in a hearty manner. and ten is out AT PARTIES. so. it is clearly logical that i should invest in a rolling sugar high and act out.

okay, i am back.

i am back ablog to share this stupid dining idea with you. you know i am a tumblr addict? well, as well as perusing my own feed, i have lately been scrolling through everything tagged interiors. hence i have seen quite a few horrible rooms, and also this perplexing restaurant.

it’s in the phillipines. you dine with your feet in water. click here for more views.

i mean, i get going on a picnic and it being really hot, and putting your feet in a stream, though in the uk that is usually a bit ill advised, since moving water like that will be COLD at all times of year. i like paddling in the sea, myself, so yeah, whatever. but this gives me a series of heebie jeebies.

1. it looks dangerous. what about klutzes? they will slip and fall. if i was there? we will slip and fall. getting our clothes wet and being miserable, bruised, and bad tempered forthwith.

2. i don’t get how it could be fun. sorry. please explain?

3. infection. i see the moving water, but that looks like an invitation to atheletes’ foot to me.

4. how long are we sitting there? will i get a chill? chillblains indeed. whatever blains are.

5. if you work there, do you get trench foot? does nobody care about health and safety at work any more?

talking of work, after my sterling efforts the other day assessing the scene of the dead swan on the towpath, i decided to look and see about jobs in forensics. now, i am totally an ill person, and not likely to work any time soon, but SAY i was suddenly well? i wouldn’t want to go back to teaching art and design, i hate shops, i couldn’t work in a call centre, but i have gutted a fish after only seeing it done once on tv, i watch all the shows, and know what lividity is.

i think i am a NATURAL for the art of the slab.

and it seems that you don’t need to get any new qualifications if you start as an assistant – just pass the pathologist various knives and stuff, and weigh organs and not be a wimp.

i would far rather work with dead bodies than living ones. ill people are busy getting iller or better and they keep CHANGING ALL THE TIME. dead people change, too, but in a less unpredictable way. and they aren’t going anywhere and they won’t sue you if oops butterfingers! PLUS i would never have to wonder what to blog about again! can you imagine? i would have ALL the stories. oh, sure, i would have to sign the official secrets act, but it’s no biggie, i’ve signed it before.

wait.

was that a breach of the official secrets act?

winner of a dotty headbanger award for being mental and loving it

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you GUYS! you GUYS! i totally WIN at getting awards and this award was the easiest to win! it is the dotty headbanger award for being mental and loving it.

but even so, i am immensely proud of it and will wear it with a full to bursting heart, here on my front page. dotty seems to have come to the end of her tether with the whole award schtick, and has made one for EVERYONE who clicks through innocently from this image on her page

and all i have to do is to answer these simple questions;

QUESTIONS TO ANSWER

1. How many bricks do you own?

2. How many Cumberland sausages can you fit in your mouth without chewing?

3. What is your most inventive way of using biscuits (or cookies if you’re American)?

4. If it was made compulsory to have a mental illness which one would you choose and why? (If you have a mental illness already you have to choose another).

1. there are two bricks balanced on the partition wall between me and my neighbour. doubtless he put them there, but i have this idea about making a brick patio and have had my eye on them ever since i noticed them.

2. only the beginning of one. i have a tiny doll’s mouth and cumberland sausages are BIG.

3. i want to say ‘building a patio’ but i know THAT would end in tears.

4. okay, i like the old timey freudian stories, wolf-man and the like. one that i’ve always been fond of is where the sufferer is convinced their bones have turned into glass. into glass! i ask you. what would the benefits agency make of that?

i can also pass this award on, but since i think the acceptance rate of blog on fire was roughly zero, i think i will follow dotty’s lead and simply say if you click through to her blog and like it enough to stay, give yourself an award.