two posts? are you kidding?

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i am not kidding. this is my second post today. you’re so welcome.

not satisfied with writing every day for the past few days, here i am writing a second. well. let’s put this in context – i wrote about how i awarded myself a dotty headbanger award and answered her award questions. and that was this morning. a lot has happened since then. i took the dog a totally new walk, round the allotments! more interesting than you’d think. and minutes away from here. it’s going to be my new favourite walk, and there will be pictures.

before coming home i also awarded myself a cut price easter egg. the pinching headache in my forehead might be something to do with the consumption thereof, but the sicky feeling definitely is. i am going to rectify this by quickly dashing to the fridge to get a glass of coke. i am all about the health today. well, it’s the london marathon, we have to make an effort, and after realizing that half my twitter feed were having a #cakeathon i felt i had something to contribute to the culture of scoffing in a hearty manner. and ten is out AT PARTIES. so. it is clearly logical that i should invest in a rolling sugar high and act out.

okay, i am back.

i am back ablog to share this stupid dining idea with you. you know i am a tumblr addict? well, as well as perusing my own feed, i have lately been scrolling through everything tagged interiors. hence i have seen quite a few horrible rooms, and also this perplexing restaurant.

it’s in the phillipines. you dine with your feet in water. click here for more views.

i mean, i get going on a picnic and it being really hot, and putting your feet in a stream, though in the uk that is usually a bit ill advised, since moving water like that will be COLD at all times of year. i like paddling in the sea, myself, so yeah, whatever. but this gives me a series of heebie jeebies.

1. it looks dangerous. what about klutzes? they will slip and fall. if i was there? we will slip and fall. getting our clothes wet and being miserable, bruised, and bad tempered forthwith.

2. i don’t get how it could be fun. sorry. please explain?

3. infection. i see the moving water, but that looks like an invitation to atheletes’ foot to me.

4. how long are we sitting there? will i get a chill? chillblains indeed. whatever blains are.

5. if you work there, do you get trench foot? does nobody care about health and safety at work any more?

talking of work, after my sterling efforts the other day assessing the scene of the dead swan on the towpath, i decided to look and see about jobs in forensics. now, i am totally an ill person, and not likely to work any time soon, but SAY i was suddenly well? i wouldn’t want to go back to teaching art and design, i hate shops, i couldn’t work in a call centre, but i have gutted a fish after only seeing it done once on tv, i watch all the shows, and know what lividity is.

i think i am a NATURAL for the art of the slab.

and it seems that you don’t need to get any new qualifications if you start as an assistant – just pass the pathologist various knives and stuff, and weigh organs and not be a wimp.

i would far rather work with dead bodies than living ones. ill people are busy getting iller or better and they keep CHANGING ALL THE TIME. dead people change, too, but in a less unpredictable way. and they aren’t going anywhere and they won’t sue you if oops butterfingers! PLUS i would never have to wonder what to blog about again! can you imagine? i would have ALL the stories. oh, sure, i would have to sign the official secrets act, but it’s no biggie, i’ve signed it before.

wait.

was that a breach of the official secrets act?

10 things from cats to grumbles

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1. so, i’ve got some cats for ya. elaine4queen.tumblr.com/day/2012/04/21 pretty much as an apology in advance for some howling i am going to do later on. have them now or save them for later, the choice is yours.

here’s one to be going on with

2. i am having a total nervo about a benefits interview i have to have on thursday. obviously, it is what it is, but in the meantime i am digesting my own intestines with anxiety. there’s not much more to be said about it, really, but i just want to say HELP HELP. send all soothing vibes my way, because buddha skills aren’t cutting it with the screaming in my head.

3. so you see. we need the calming. i don’t actually listen to much music most of the time, but today i was listening to a radio show and billy bragg was on it. he talked about how he wrote a new england in which he says he doesn’t WANT a new england – then spent his writing career disproving that premis. i am not mad on billy bragg’s singing – he says himself he is rather a ‘busker’ but kirsty maccoll made a lovely job of the song.

4. we’ve been having a quiet time on our own the past few days while ten has been elsewhere doing things. i have got precisely bugger all done in his absence except eat a box of chocolates to myself. that doesn’t count as an achievement, does it? thought not…

5. we did see a dead swan on the towpath, though. some neighbours were looking at it and trying to guess how it had met it’s death. because i am a professional pathologist, having watched all of silent witness and lots of csi and the like, i knelt down and examined it. without doing a post mortem i couldn’t comment on lividity, but i was able to point out that the beak was caked in mud, suggesting the daft bugger had met it’s death face first. i blame pigeons, but that is CONJECTURE and very naughty. i observed that the swan was a juvenile and had quite the buzz when my neighbours asked HOW DO YOU KNOW? do you know how i knew? or is it just my neighbours who have led a sheltered non swan studying life?

6. on twitter, @lahikmajoe mentioned he was playing his uke in the park with a friend. this not only led me to send him an hour long documentary link about george formby, but now i am hearing ukes everywhere. here is the ukelele orchestra of great britain doing teenage kicks.

7. what else? well, i am jealous of everyone getting to watch the hunger games, but last night i did get to see wuthering heights finally. it was a lot better than i thought it would be, and the restricted palette of the film was beautiful rather than cloying. i watched it with my neighbour stephen, and he noticed how good the soundscape was. and it was, really good. i have no idea how they captured/created the wind, because wind is notorious for messing up sound recording bigstyle. here’s the trailer;

8. gosh, i didn’t know how i was going to do ten things, and now i am already on 8. i thought that i would want to really gripe about the benefits agency thing, but i guess there’s nothing to say since it hasn’t happened yet. still, kindly vibes, keep ‘em coming.

9. i thought you might like this infographic. the post itself describing how he made it is also good.

10. i have been posting every day lately. i really didn’t think that would be possible what with the life i lead and everything, but i’ve been enjoying rootling around in tumblr finding stuff to show you. i’ve got more, too. STAY TUNED!