This Year, Last Year, Sometime, Never


austin kleon

And good morrow to you! I take it we have all given up on resolutions? Good.

GrrrlFever Zine Issue #1

I reject virginity and I reject nominal ‘New Years’. Since I am a bit of a howler what I don’t reject is the full moons and the shiftings of the year. Straight after the solstice I was heartened to think that the days will, though still dark, be getting lighter forthwith.

I am not good with anniversaries of any kind. I find them… implausible? I keep a count of how many years I have had Poppet – it’s easy because I went to get her on xmas eve three years ago. I know I am fifty, but when I was forty I had to be 39 twice because I’d lost a year somewhere. This is as it should be, in my opinion.

And now I give you a tumblr collection by way of a new year’s gift

donald edwards

holiday time! botox for migraine, and waffling on about the olympics – and a poll! many good things!


we’re going to bri-ghton! we’re going to bri-ghton!

we were going to wales, but i got an appointment at the migraine clinic bang in the middle of our proposed travelly time, and had to cancel. wales is too far to go for less than a week. brighton, on the other hand, isn’t. in m’previous post i linked to a little tumblr i made with the purpose of fishing for holiday swapsies. i didn’t get the swap i constructed the thing for, but it occurred to me to show it around to brighton peeps, and one such friend actually happened to need a dog/house sitter for the latter half of this very week.

so excited. the doggy we are visiting is the one who inspired me to adopt a staffie. she is an old girl now, but i’ve known her since she was a pup, and she’s a lovely girl.

do not fear. THERE WILL BE PHOTOS. oh yes.

i don’t know if we will see everyone this time round, but i do know there will be group dog walks. that’s it. i don’t know anything else.

we will go look at the sea, too. but i don’t know the summer dog on beach rules, so we will have to find out about all that.

and, “hollybags”? don’t ask me. i think it was one of the kirsties who coined it. or at least, passed it on to me. for safekeeping, like.


the national migraine centre is a private charity, not part of the NHS. it’s been run by a famous Dr, Anne MacGregor, who has dedicated herself to researching the part hormones play in migraine. when i went to see my neuro at whitechapel last year, for what i assumed would be the last time because i was moving out of the borough it turned out that he was moving on, too. Dr MacGregor is off to concentrate on research at barts, and he, Dr Giles Elrington, is taking over at the migraine clinic. I’d stopped going there because being a chronic, paying every visit wasn’t an option. He told me he would waive the fee for me, though.

giles. he’s so posh he really does wear a bow tie.

the suggested donation is currently £100. so, not inconsiderable. what i will be happy to pay for, though, is the botox treatment. this is his hobby horse. it’s been approved by NICE (national institute for clinical excellence – our FDA) but the NHS trusts all have to decide whether to bank roll it, and they are taking their sweet time.

at £600 a time it’s not cheap (which i don’t really understand, since botox is actually not expensive in itself) but if you are a chronic like me then neither is almost daily use of triptans, and in a more general way, an inability to do a day’s work. i think i cost the state a good deal more than £600 a quarter.

IF he can whip out the needle on tuesday i will be very pleased. i have had botox before and it worked really well. apparently you need to give it a couple of goes to see if it’s not just a placebo effect, but it could become cost effective if it meant i could work. what i would work at is a whole other question. of course, i have the fibro to contend with as well. my attempt to swim myself well not only sparked more migraines than i could cope with, but also quite a bit of IBS related flare ups. and then there was the fatigue… so it’s not a cut and dried situation, but bloody hell, i am sick and tired of being sick and tired, so lets give it a whirl.


i’m slightly weeing myself with excitement over what possible escapades protesters might get up to during the olympics. people are being arrested for the slightest thing at the moment, though, so they’ll have to be smart. i’ve written a whole waffle about it, but it’s not been posted yet.

and, speaking of waffling, you may note that i am writing like a normal person over there. i felt it was the way to go. trouble is, now i am all sixes and sevens about capitalization. what do YOU think?

my online life



i am proud to announce my first post as a daily waffle writer! here it is to click on;

how to make a dog smile.

i feel a little bit NOIVOUS. i feel a bit of a fraud constantly categorizing and tagging this blog with “HUMOUR”, and i felt very bambi trying out his first steps writing even such a short thing and using the FUNNY WAFFLE category. cheeky me! after all, is it really for me to say that i am bringing the funnies? well, at least the picture is worth a smirk. if not a LOL. in a sneak previewy sort of a way i am going to tell you something about what i want to do in the future on the waffle – i want to do some drawings. nothing fancy, but you know, i feel perfectly free to gank images for this blog, but i do feel that copyright infringement starts getting a bit naughty at a certain point. and it gives me an excuse to wield a crayon. i did a little one for this blog last week. it was the star i used to illustrate the idea of ‘gold stars all round’.

i didn’t really like the stars i found when i did an image search, so i just drew one. it only took me a few minutes. okay, it doesn’t actually glitter, and it’s not really gold. but i drew it on top of my crayon box which is a kind of grubby gold.

anyway, that’s the plan, and you heard it here first.


now, you may remember that i got a nice award recently, but i didn’t pay it forward because, for starters no one, NO ONE even accepted the last one that i did, and for nexters i was in the middle of migraine awareness month and my birthday and i wasn’t keeping up with reading blogs.

however! this has now been rectified, and i can tell you that i have read some great blogs over the past few days. one such is from a blog called ‘becoming cliche’ and the post is called it really works and it is all about how dieting in the style of a cat is the new atkins. i thought it was very funny so click through if you like a laugh.


just in case you’d prefer to be bummed out, there’s this from my facebook feed;

“The armed forces are already providing up to 13,500 personnel for the Games – split between the venues and back-up for police. Under the contingency plans, this could reach 16,500 – 7,000 more than are being deployed in Afghanistan.”

so, erm, you know the UK is supposed to be quite *free* and a *democracy* and all that? well, not content to arm the police (our police weren’t at all armed until fairly recently, then there were ‘armed units’ which were only to be deployed on actual specific missions and yesterday when i went to buy a bra in M&S there were two policemen just standing around at liverpool street station HOLDING BIG BLACK MACHINE GUNS. i’d go back and take a picture but i am too scared – i don’t want to be arrested or shot.) we are apparently now going to have the army not only manning ground to air missiles on the top of residential blocks in the borough, but also policing the damn games!

read more here Olympic security: army reinforcements called in to fill G4S shortfall if you can bear to, that is.


letter from poppet, birthday pics, and richard o’dwyer extradition petition


Migraine Awareness Month #25: “Through My Children’s Eyes.” Write a letter to yourself from your children. 

i don’t have children as such. of course, i do have my lovely dog, poppet. she doesn’t care about migraine though she does like a cuddle.

der laine,

i laik the fud. also walk in park. is saf to et squirls? i’m nevr sur.

party yestiday was kite gud. not sur abot dog, she laiked eting from thi bin, and that is mine.

nao can i go bak to slep? yu intruptx a god drem.

lov, popit.

“National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by”


now then! birthday!

happily, i had a proper photographer on hand, because i am not one for taking pictures in company. ellis took these. pictures of people mainly came out blurred – damn camera was probably on manual, it’s an awkward beast. still, he got some good shots of CAKE and so on, which is the main thing.

i asked stephen from next door to bring in his piano since we had so many musicans handy, and he brought in a couple of guitars as well. so we had sing songs which was lovely.

i had the best day. i love bringing people together. it was a nice mix – nearly everyone knew more than one other person and everyone had lots in common. i had a little lie down about threeish, and then rallied. in the evening stephen, ten, poppet and i watched limitless, which was just the sort of tosh we were fit for.


this kid is being threatened with extradition to the US

“Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales has made a rare political intervention to call on Theresa May to stop the extradition of British student Richard O’Dwyer to the US for alleged copyright offences.”

click through here to read the full article and sign the petition – pretty please!

wishes, birthday news, and heartfelt thanks


Migraine Awareness Month #24:  “Dear Genie.” Put together a wish list for your life. 

okay, this is going to have to be quick. it’s my birthday TODAY and i slept late and we have people coming soooooon. yes, yes, i know i should have done this in advance. darling, we know about this.

i probably wish the same sorts of things as any chronic migraineur. i wish i could travel without fear, i wish i could work, i wish i didn’t have to consider my labyrinthine needs every which way. and most of all i wish the migraines would just GO AWAY.

“National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by”


yes! i am FIFTY this very day. fifty whole years old. incredible. weird. surreal. of all the round numbers i think only 100 could be more mindblowing. people make a fuss out of forty, but let me tell you, fifty is HALF A DAMN CENTURY! i am literally made of history. ask me anything. i am now officially an ORACLE.

mind you, i don’t claim to be any more mature as such. for instance, i picked at something on my body and am now running with blood. it seems that i have never learned to leave these kinds of things alone.

must dash, got people ARRIVING in a couple of hours and i am sat here before my bath POSTING NAKED to you.

Heartfelt thanks for reading.

normal services resumed soon. x

daft ideas, wake up! it’s time to think, and call the midwife


Migraine Awareness Month #23:  “I Drank the Kool-Aid!” We all try things out of desperation, even when our common sense is telling us they’re not going to do anything. Share your experience with this.

i have tried a LOT of drugs for migraine. and not only have they not worked, but also sometimes i have suffered awful side effects including anorexia and suicidality. possibly the wackiest idea i have had i would still do if i had the chance, but i don’t think there’s a doctor in the world that would help me out with it. i get a lot of body pain as well as multifarious head pains including chronic migraine and my clever idea was this. what if i contracted leprosy and let it work on me for a bit and then took the medication.

what? it’s a great idea! what on earth could go wrong?

“National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by”


Ana Peñafiel Marcano

here’s a little tumblr for ya – entitled wake up! it’s time to think!


in birthday eve news i did a fair amount of tidying yesterday, and paced myself well. i spent a goodly amount of time finishing off watching call the midwife.

i didn’t watch it when it was on the first time round because it didn’t look nearly murdery enough for my tastes, but i was bored so i watched the first episode. it was rather good, and what was more, MIRANDA, who i LOVE, was going to be in subsequent episodes. well, that changed everything, dear reader! i ganneted up the whole series with relish.

you can see it on youtube, so i’m not just taunting you with something you can’t see outside the UK.

here she is in her own show

plans and spontaneity, birthday navel gaze, and hoxton train


Migraine Awareness Month #22:  “The Game Changer.” Tell us about a time your plans changed due either an unexpected Migraine or an unexpected Migraine-free experience.

i am the sort of migraineur who gets migraines because i made plans. and then on the other hand i am really bad at spontaneity because if i don’t plan things i might forget one of my needed things or i might forget that the crazy spontaneous outing has some sort of fatal flaw that involves a world of pain. so i don’t tend to do either.

on sunday it is my birthday. birthdays have been cancelled before because of migraine. there was one year, some time ago, that my then boyfriend booked a table at a restaurant so fancy that the next day’s news was full of the story that blair and clinton had dined there that night. but not me. i was at home with a migraine.

so. what does one do about the FIFTIETH birthday? well, one does not arrange to go out. one arranges to have friends come by in the afternoon, and if one is pushing one’s luck towards the end of the day they will either have to all leave or else i will have to take myself for a little lie down. this is an entirely plausible thing to do, since everyone knows what a fragile flower i am.

wish me luck! 

“National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by”


so, yes! happy birthday to me! T – 2 days. the flat really needs tidying up for visitors and food and things. on the other hand, i seem to be in bed and not exactly getting on with things.

i am looking forward to all the visitors, even though i am also nervous. i’d like us to be able to use the garden but i think it’s going to be rainy on sunday. never mind. i am not entirely sure how many people will come, but i can squash quite a few people into the living room. you’d be surprised.

the other thing is this business of being 50. it just seems surreal, really. on the one hand yeah, whatever, i seem to be this age. on the other, it feels like i fell through some sort of wormhole.


this guy’s work turned up in my tumblr stream. i really like it. the idea of urban watercolours seems very fresh to me. the scenes are familiar, mostly the streets of london if i am correct, and certainly, this image arrests my eyes. both familiar and unfamiliar – the scene very familiar, the medium understated but totally odd in this context. NICE WORK.

 Rob Adams. Hoxton Train.