inspiring quotes and difficult times
a LOT of words in this tumblr elaine4queen.tumblr.com/day/2012/04/27
many, many quotes. good ones, too.
life, death, existence. writing, art, cookery. it’s all there.
from letters of note
and now my saved stuff in tumblr is all image based, and it is talking to me in a different way. having done a couple of extemporized posts, a cat one, a dog one, and now ALL THE WORDS new threads suggest themselves. and i am under the 1000 mark of saved stuff.
there are more animals, so i might do an animal post. then what is left? a lot of colour, for one thing. and quite a lot of flowers. in the past i have wondered what i would do if i RAN OUT. all i can say is that no matter how much i blog i never do run out. sometimes i stop posting for a while, but there is never an end to the tumblring. never an end.
what else is new? well, you might have heard that in this country there is a government drive to get all the cripples and crazy persons into work. this, at a time of mass unemployment. go figure. the thing is, though, for me, there is a disconnect. clearly i don’t want to be forced onto the jam factory floor (or, more likely, now, the call centre) whereupon to become iller and iller and become pulp to be scooped into a body bag, but neither do i never want to work again.
yesterday’s interview at the orwellian named job centre i talked to a nice lady whose job it is to find me employment. after talking to me for an hour she had nothing to suggest other than i rest and recuperate as well as i could. she was contracted to tell me, however, that i had to attend a workfare interview ‘voluntarily’ or else it would become mandatory. i don’t really see what is voluntary about something that becomes mandatory, but maybe i am missing something? anyway, i agreed. a nice young chap phoned me today for an initial consult, and i may have rather bewildered him. well he did ask what i would like to do for a living. so i did tell him i wanted to be an anatomical pathology technician. to be honest, if i got handed that on a plate (no pun intended) i would do my level best not to fuck it up. obviously, i am far too ill right now to do a full time job, but i do have improvements sometimes, there are new drugs, new combinations of drugs. you never know.
so i have to go and have an interview with him next week. he is a nice enough guy, and is doing a teacher training course, so he had a grasp of what my cv was about.
there is really nothing to be done. if i am forced to work full time i will have to turn up until the point of failure, and then my employer will have to call an ambulance. i can’t stand for more than 10 minutes without pain, or sit for more than an hour without moving around. i can’t walk around for more than an hour without lying down. i can’t cope with fluorescent lighting, confusing sounds, or strong smells. there is doubtless work i could do, but the conditions of work itself make it unlikely. when i went to tutu’s funeral the other week i spent an hour getting there, an hour and a half there, and an hour getting back. 10 minutes into going home i was horribly fatigued and in pain, and ten had to guide me home. it took me about five days to recover to my usual level of unwellness. i had a veritable jamboree of migraines, diarrhea and deadly fatigue.
i’d love to work, by the way. when i did work i rather defined myself through my career.
you can’t push a river, and if things play out in a way that is impossible for me i will just have to meet them as they arise.
there is nothing to be done.